Final goodbyes, family time, and trip home

My grandma's family visiting hours were on a Sunday evening and the funeral was Monday morning. (Jan. 4 & 5th).

During our down time we looked through old pictures and put together memory photo boards,

Grandma Joan showing Everlea a pic of me when I was a little girl on the grandchildren board.

Lis and I went with the aunts to the florist and helped pick out flowers that represented the grand-children and great grand-children.

Grandchildren arrangement we picked. Lis and I loved how it came out, grandma loved birds and it was simple and pretty. All her 18 grandchildren were written on the ribbons.

This was the precious great-grandchildren arrangement. The bear (grandma like stuffed animals) was surrounded by 8 different roses with ribbons with her 8 great-grandchildren. This one made me teary. :)

The funeral was held in Shiloh church in Maine and my Uncle Ron performed the service. My cousin Ang, sister Lisa and I sang Chris Tomlin's "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)". We discovered it is pretty difficult/emotional to sing at a funeral of a person you love. The chorus was so fitting though, "My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me."

The whole service was a very nice memorial to her life and family and my 3 uncles (her sons) all got up and spoke.

I think one of the many sweet memories that I will always remember is hearing Everlea have a chance to say goodbye. It's so hard to know how a 4 yr old will process something like that and before we saw her during the visiting hours in the open casket, I explained to Ev that grandma had already gone to heaven but her body was still with us and it's a time for those that love her (us) to say their goodbyes. She seemed OK with it and when we walked up to the open casket she said, prompted by me, "Goodbye grandma, I love you." The next day after the service had concluded they opened the casket one last time for final goodbyes for the family. Ev and I were off to one side and Everlea whispered to me "Mama, I want to see grandma again". I was a little surprised by her request, but we walked over to her, and she said in a small voice "Goodbye grandma" (that probably struck me a little more emotionally as it was not initiated by me). Another funny little story, told to me by someone, was she said something to them like "I'm not sure while we are doing all this for grandma, she's already gone to heaven." :) So, I think in her own way little way she processed it.

Despite the circumstances it really was great having so many of my extended family around.

Some of the Dukelow girl cousins (my cousin Holli in the middle, flew in with her mom from California).

Free time also included playing games in the fellowship hall, catching up/chatting, eating and more eating :)

Grandma Joan and Gram Fran having fun dressing up with their grand-daughters the last few hours before we headed home.

About 20 min. before we started our journey home I took a last few minutes to enjoy this beautiful sunset. A final goodbye.

We drove out around 6:30ish that evening, drove to PA and stayed in a hotel. We picked up our car and dropped off rental the following morning, and arrived home late Tues. night. (Jan. 6th)

Thankfully the trip home was safe and uneventful, just the way I like them. :)

And thus concludes Christmas/New Year's trip of '08-09.

An unexpected ending...

The original plan for our Christmas vacation had us leaving on Saturday, Jan. 3rd. Early on in the 2nd week there we decided to bump it to Friday evening (2nd) instead, so we could get a jump on the trip, and return the rental car and pick up our car in PA at a reasonable time on Sat.
We started hearing reports during out 2nd week out that my grandma was starting to feel poorly and ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure. We weren't sure the seriousness of the situation at the time, so my parents ended up going up early in the week (so glad they made that decision), Lis and Bri headed up New Year's Eve and we made the trip New Year's Day. She was released from the hospital mid-week but went quickly downhill again and ended up back in the hospital on New Year's Eve night. Most of the family were able to visit with her on New Year's Day, and as noted in the excerpt below, God graciously allowed her (and us) a "good" day. The next morning she had a heart attack, and by 1:30 of the following morning she had passed on.

The note below was something I had written 2 days after she passed away and posted on my Facebook.

I love her and miss her. I have moments of sadness when thinking that our trips north will not include a visit with my sweet grandma anymore. I certainly wasn't thinking when we took this trip that this would be the last time with her.

Grandma, I love you and thank you for the legacy you left behind. Can't wait to see you again one day.

I'm sitting here in a room in Shiloh thinking about my Grandma May. Her life on this earth started on May 21st, 1919 and her "new" life in heaven started at 1:30ish in the morning on Jan. 3rd, 2009. She had 7 children, 6 living and 1 daughter, Marilyn, that passed away when she was 6. She survived two husbands. She died about 5 months shy of her 90th birthday.

I looked back on my blog as I remembered an entry I posted about my grandma back in Jan. There were a few months where she came to my house on Tuesdays and I jokingly referred to the title of that post as"Tuesdays with Murray." She was able to cultivate a little relationship with Everlea at 4, which made me so happy, as I didn't get to know her well as a child myself, since we lived in separate countries. It was so sweet to watch them play/interact together, whether it be working with play-doh, watching Little House on the Prairie or playing hide and seek. I recalled in my blog entry a time when she played H & S with Ev one day and she hid behind my couch. Everlea found her on her hands and knees hiding, and we laughed together, as I had to help her to her feet. She was a good sport and sometimes we forgot she was in her late 80's. It made my heart glad knowing Everlea got to enjoy and get to know grandma May as a little girl and I as a "big" girl. :)

God was so merciful the day before she died in allowing her a "good" day. She was happy, smiling and in good spirits. My little group (we took family shifts to the hospital) was the last visitors of the evening, and looking back it was such a precious time. We got some lovely pics with her that I will cherish. Only a little over 24 hrs later she passed on.

Her last day on this earth she was surrounded with her family, all 6 of her children, many of her grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. All of her children made it in time to say their goodbyes (my Aunt Fran being the last one to arrive from Wpg in the late afternoon) while she was still lucid enough to acknowledge their presence. We held vigil throughout the day talking with her, singing all her favorite hymns, rubbing her hands and head, and once all her children had arrived and were able to say their goodbyes, they lovingly assured her that it was "Ok to go be with Jesus." In the peaceful calm of early morning she did just that.The whole day and experience was very emotional. It held many tears, some laughter, reminiscing, and a level of bonding with family that is heightened by the shared pain of loss. I personally have never witnessed someone pass away especially a close family member. I will never forget that day. There were certain moments that stood out in my mind that either makes me smile or teary depending on the mood I'm in. I think one of the most significant things was what my grandma's last uttered words throughout the day were. The significance of them defined her life.

First of all she would utter "God" and "Dear Lord Jesus". For anyone that ever met my grandma you'd know that Jesus was in fact very real and dear to her. He was her Lord and Savior and was a constant in her life since she was a late teen. She lived her life in service to him, not on a grandiose scale, as defined by some, but she was a huge prayer warrior, loved her family dearly and raised her children to love God.

The 2nd thing that really impacted me was the words "Hold On". She said it a handful of times and she'd reach for someone. At times I wondered what it meant. Did she want someone to hold her til the end or was she telling herself to hold on til all her kids arrived to say their goodbyes. It could possibly be either scenario. What I did feel as I sat there with her, was how those words held true for her. She did "Hold On", all her life, to God & her family. She never wavered or looked back once she committed her life to Him. The tears we shed are for our loss, the smile and joy is for her gain. She is in the arms of the One she loved to the uttermost and I can just hear Him say "well done my good and faithful servant" .

Goodbye sweet soul. Lovely mother, sweet grand-mother, precious great-grandmother. The world was a better place with you in it and now heaven has gained another treasure.


My favorite pic of her and Everlea

This was taken the day before she passed away, we had a sweet visit with her.

Making the most of our time there...

During our 2 week stay in NH we took as much time as we could visiting with all our precious friends and family. We don't take these times for granted now that we live far away from each other. I didn't get a ton of pics, but a few.

We had some fun and relaxing days with my sis and bro-in-law and my parents, did a movie outing day, played the Wii and a new fun game Apples to Apples. L & B took Ev out for a movie one afternoon, The Tale of Despereaux (one of her Christmas presents from them) which was fun for her. My friend Jen and family had us over on 2 occasions, which were great times of hanging out and catching up with my buddies, had a fun night with the Savages for a New Year's party, did a bowling outing with Jen and the boys (Ev and I) with McD's afterwards. Enjoyed an evening of pizza, Rockband and finally got to see The Dark Knight at friends (the Johnsons). Spent some nights with family, cousins, aunts and uncles, playing games, Wii (Rockband), chatting/catching up, and of course eating Christmas goodies. :) We took one afternoon and drove to northern NH, with Randy's brother Lyle, to visit their sister Amy and family. It was good seeing them again too. We were bummed to miss our good friends the Steels, gone for the holidays, but hopefully we'll catch up again next time.

We four families, Boisverts, Savages, Steels and Sandfords are planning a week-long vacation in VA this summer, so we all have that to look forward to, but Lord willing we'll see each other before that!

Christmas 2008 in NH...

...was at Brian and Lisa's. We enjoyed a great service at their church (MCC) Christmas eve eve and a candlelight service at our old church (BCC) on Christmas Eve. It was great seeing everyone again and it was a relaxing and worship filled time focused on the true meaning and joy of Christmas.

I was determined to put the stress of the latter part of our road trip behind me and savor the time we had with the people I love the most, family & friends.

Here is Christmas Day in pictures...

The trip northbound...

Ok so I admit I cheated a bit with this post. I wrote this note (with a few edits after I posted it on here) on my FB page a few weeks ago, but if you missed it then, this was our trip up north with all the fun & frustrations rolled up in one. :)

Things started off well on Saturday a.m. We got off a little later than planned but we weren't in a huge rush so our 11:30 start was fine with us. It's amazing all the little things you need to remember when you are going to be away for 2 weeks. We got to Virginia around 5:30 and went to a nice restaurant with my cousin Ang and her family plus my cousin Lindsey and their parents (my aunt and uncle) Rick and Fran. We enjoyed a few hours with them, and were on our way by 8:30. We got to our friends, the Posts, by 10:45 p.m. We enjoyed a nice visit with them on Sunday, Everlea enjoying the kids and the snow (a little that showed up on Sun. a.m.) (when we left home the day before it was 70 deg.!) The stop there was good as it broke up the trip it felt like our holidays had officially begun.

Monday a.m. we got off around 9:30 ish and headed to Hershey, PA so we could go to Chocolate World for a short stop. Right before getting there our oil light went on. Ran turned the car off and re-started it with the light going back off, so we pulled into CW right down the road. We had fun there for an hour or so, they have a really neat little free ride/tour that takes you from the cocoa bean harvesting to the wrapped Hershey chocolate phase which was pretty cool and fun for Ev too. Ran and I shared this decadent little choc. dessert afterwards, a little bowl made purely of chocolate with choc. mousse inside topped with whipped cream. Delish! Ev picked out a choc. cupcake, but liked ours more! :) I could tell Ran was concerned about the car during the time there, but we tried to just enjoy ourselves and deal with it after.

Got back on the road around 11:30ish I think, and very quickly after the oil light came back on. Ran pulled over stopped the car and re-started, we went another mile or so and it came back on, meanwhile I'm reading the car manual and was shocked to read you shouldn't even drive a block with the light on (which of course Ran knew, yah...I'm not that car savvy). We got a little ways down the road and right before us, pretty much in the middle of nowhere, we pulled right into a parking lot with this sign:

(Note the "specializing in Toyotas" my SUV is a Lexus). I could have cried right then.

After conferring with the mechanic, he had determined, which Ran already was quite sure, it was the oil pump. Since they already had to pull the front of the engine out anyways, we ended up getting the timing belt changed out at the same time, something which we needed to do for maintenance anyways. He couldn't get it done til after Christmas so the next step after discussing various options was to rent a car, and there just so happened to be an Enterprise a few miles away. Ran called and got a rental quote which I wasn't happy about (I wasn't real happy through most of the early afternoon esp. when it became apparent how much this trip was going to cost us). I decided to try and see if I could get internet access in the car to check online rates, which I was able to, and by doing so I found a great rate for $19/day saving us over $150 off what Ran was quoted. Soon afterwards Enterprise was picking me up. Got back to the mechanics, re-packed a car trunk with a SUV's amount of stuff in 14 deg. weather, minus the appropriate warm clothing. We were back on the road by around 4:30 and got into NH a little after midnight, with the rest of the trip being fairly uneventful.

As upset as I was Ran kept on saying, "it could be worse" and although the extra expenses at an inconvenient time were all I could see at the time, as we got on the road again, I reflected on all the ways God was with us and the mini miracles that he provided through it all. I think the most amazing thing to both of us was the oil light coming on so close to the automotive shop that "specializes in Toyotas". It was a major hole in the wall place but sometimes Ran says those are the best and the guy obviously was very knowledgeable. (I can update now on this that the guy did a great job!) The final cost, very reasonable considering he did the oil pump, timing belt and water pump. He quoted us slightly over what someone just told us they paid to get just the timing belt done (which is a maintenance thing we needed to do anyways). Also, we seriously considered getting the timing belt done before we left which would have ultimately cost us extra to do both things separately.

The "little things", not so little...

-Getting internet access in the car so I was able to get cheaper rental rate.

-Everlea and Rogan being so good during it all.

-This tells you how little I know about vehicles...but the Lexus is my vehicle and if this had happened at home while I was driving around, I would have made note that the light came on, but would not have known to pull over instantly. I told Ran I would have prob. just mentioned it to him that night "oh by the way the oil light came on" which by that time I prob. would have killed the engine, and I shudder at that thought.

So...that was our trip.

I'll have to share too, a very cute little story with Everlea. Right after we got to the mechanics, I had to use the restroom quite badly and Ev had to go too. I asked the mechanic if they had one, and he said "it isn't beautiful but you are welcome to it". Ev walks in and said "yah it really isn't beautiful is it mama". If you picture the world's nastiest bathroom, it was prob. slightly worse, but when you have to go that badly, you might as well be in a palace with the angels singing the hallelujah chorus. lol. Anyways, when we went to flush, the water started rising and it nearly overflowed, so I was inwardly freaking out and trying to plunge, while I was trying not to freak out Ev. So it stopped right at the brim and I left hastily to find Ran. We got back in the car and Ran came and we started going over what we thought the costs were going to be (prior to the quote and only knowing the elevated rental costs) and I started crying. Ev was sitting on Ran's lap in the driver's side looking at me really concerned. She finally pipes up "It's OK mama, it'll be alright, the man can probably fix the toilet!" My crying was momentarily halted by laughter realizing she thought that was why I was crying. The sweet girl then proceeded to tell Ran "maybe if I be silly I can make her laugh", and then started to make funny noises and such. :) She was successful in lightening the mood in the car at that moment and I love her for it.

Our December in a Nutshell...

So I'm realizing my last post was the end of November. I think I fell behind, probably largely in part again thanks to facebook, an easier way to connect with a larger majority of friends and family. But, FB is somewhat limited, I know not everyone has access to it, and, I want my blog put in book form for us and Everlea at some point (which a friend said is possible), so if I catch it back up, hopefully it won't be so overwhelming to keep up with it again.

Let's see...

-We made a trip to VA to visit with my cousin and her family and attend (me) her annual cookie swap and ornament exchange. It was a good time despite a sick child and burnt fingers, both happening to my cousin Ang soon before her big party, but Ran and I pitched in a bit, and the party still went off without a hitch. The cookies that I got back through the exchange did not last til Christmas. Um, yah...

-We took our unprofessional :) family Christmas card picture in our yard:

-We attended a breakfast with Santa: yes, Everlea was smiling and not freaked by Santa this year, although some bribery was involved if I remember correctly...lol

-We watched the nativity story play out and were entertained by the singing at Everlea's pre-school Christmas program (as you can see in video below she had some wardrobe malfunctions/issues, oh & sorry for the annoying focusing and re-focusing) :)

- We got our Christmas tree mid-Dec., a small and humble one, but described by Everlea as "the best Christmas tree ever". :) It was decorated and re-decorated every day by above mentioned 4yr old. :) Donated and delivered said tree, 10 days later to a new family, thanks to free advertising on Craigslist.

...and, on Dec. 20th we packed up the kid, the dog, our luggage and the presents and headed to NH for Christmas.